Testing.

I recently re-discovered this only mildly tongue-in-cheek analysis of a children's tv and book series from my youth:

"Consider the one in which King Rollo makes his wizard turn the peasant's lunch into all kinds of exotic and delicious food, only for the peasant to insist that he was happy with his simple rustic loaf of bread. What other interpretation can there be of this parable, other than that the redistribution of wealth neither benefits the prudent rural working man nor is desired by him, whatever the educated intelligensia may suppose?"

I still stand by that. Shameless monarchist apologia, I tell you.

Five simple steps to improve the first Matrix film:

1. Make one of the film's many messages more clear by having that ginger-bearded guy tell Keaneo: "Staying up all night surfing the web in your filthy little bedroom is all well and good, but sometimes a boy needs to go out to industrial clubs and meet girls."

2. After the little bald kid in the toga gives the "there is no spoon" speech, have Keaneo punch him in the face. Hard.

3. Switch shouldn't die. In fact, Switch should turn out to be The One.

4. The White Rabbit tattoo girl should be a major character. Come on, she was Katerina in Heartbreak High!

5. Joey Pants should turn out *not* to be a treacherous slimebag. Who could possible see that one coming, eh?

Since I myself can't seem to summon up the joy necessary to write about happy and wondrous things at the moment (and there are plenty of them around), I'll have to settle for linking to other people doing so for now. Scroll down a couple of posts at Big Sunny D for some thoughts on Paul Pope's 100% with which I agree completely. It's one of the most inspiring comics I've ever read, in fact, in terms of making me think "this is exactly the sort of thing I want to make"...

Make your own Dandy Warhols dartboard!

Instructions:

1. Print out image.

2. Glue image to thick piece of cardboard.

3. Attach to nearby wall.

4. Buy darts.

5. Throw darts at image.

It really couldn't be any easier - hours of pleasure and stress-relief can be yours!

(Yes, the bile is still flowing.)

Hello reader,

Do you own a long black trenchcoat? Do you sport an appalling goatee beard? Do you think Warren Ellis is the greatest writer who ever lived, much better than all those boring old dead guys they tried to teach you about in school? Do you hate "pikeys"? Do you drink cider? Do you sit in the pub drinking cider, wearing your trenchcoat and stroking your beard and talking about how clever Transmetropolitan is and how stupid "pikeys" are? Well do you? Do you?

Then why not stab yourself in the eye with a fork, to save me the bother?

(Sorry. Feeling a little unwell, and needed to vent. Happy happy thoughts to follow.)

Junk e-mail subject line glaring at me from my spambox tonight, first log-on in days:

your girl asked us to tell you about this

She really didn't.