televised award ceremonies rot yr brain part 1
MOVIE NEWS
Here is this week's movie news.
An image of actress Scarlett Johansson (above, centre) is to replace that of the Queen on the UK's five pound note. A spokesman for the Bank of England said: "She's brought old fashioned movie star glamour back to Hollywood! Because nobody else has had blonde hair like that in forty years, do you see?" A leading broadsheet newspaper journalist added: "If you cut open my skull, you would find only worms inside. Worms!"
Controversial, largely talentless woman-hating director Lars Von Trier is to support The Pixies on their forthcoming reunion tour. Von Trier, who is often troubled by punches in the face from passing strangers, will perform only covers of the song 'Debaser' in a variety of styles, whilst wearing an oversized nappy.
Finally, here exclusively is the text in full of respected actor Jon Voight's speech made before presenting a BAFTA award to noted director John Boorman, who directed him in the film Deliverance:
"Christopher Walken? That fuck dances! Dancing is for mommy's boys. He's a fucking weakling. I bet you thought that Anaconda joke was funny, didn't you, you little punk? Yeah? I've seen the way you look at my daughter. You so much as lay a finger on her, I'll eat your fucking face off. Over my dead body, asshole."
MOVIE NEWS
Here is this week's movie news.
An image of actress Scarlett Johansson (above, centre) is to replace that of the Queen on the UK's five pound note. A spokesman for the Bank of England said: "She's brought old fashioned movie star glamour back to Hollywood! Because nobody else has had blonde hair like that in forty years, do you see?" A leading broadsheet newspaper journalist added: "If you cut open my skull, you would find only worms inside. Worms!"
Controversial, largely talentless woman-hating director Lars Von Trier is to support The Pixies on their forthcoming reunion tour. Von Trier, who is often troubled by punches in the face from passing strangers, will perform only covers of the song 'Debaser' in a variety of styles, whilst wearing an oversized nappy.
Finally, here exclusively is the text in full of respected actor Jon Voight's speech made before presenting a BAFTA award to noted director John Boorman, who directed him in the film Deliverance:
"Christopher Walken? That fuck dances! Dancing is for mommy's boys. He's a fucking weakling. I bet you thought that Anaconda joke was funny, didn't you, you little punk? Yeah? I've seen the way you look at my daughter. You so much as lay a finger on her, I'll eat your fucking face off. Over my dead body, asshole."
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